If I Were Prime Minister

Good morning, Mr Cameron.

Paracetamol? Coffee?

The campaign is over and the post-election knees up is over and the weekend is over. It is Monday morning. It is the start of the next five years of your life. It is time to go back to work and get on with the business of governing the country, including the nearly two thirds of us who voted for someone else.

Oh, that’s right. I didn’t vote for you and I loathe everything you stand for, but you are apparently my Prime Minister too.

So with that in mind, let me offer you some unsolicited advice on what my priorities would be if I were in my first hundred days of a new Parliament.

  • Set out a timetable for electoral reform. I would start by abolishing the House of Lords and setting a date for a referendum on PR.
  • Secure the future of the National Health Service. I would tell the public that the NHS is incredibly expensive for government and is delivered absolutely free of charge to the public, and that that is the way it is and the way it should always be. I would tell them what an absolute privilege it is to live in a country where our highest economic priority is to look after the sick. I would reverse the steps that have already been taken towards privatisation, completely and unreservedly. I would put control of decisions about the NHS back into the hands of healthcare professionals and patients. I would fire Jeremy Hunt.
  • Repeal the Health and Social Care Act 2012. 
  • Disestablish the Church of England. 
  • Raise the minimum wage to the living wage.
  • Reshape the funding of higher education. Specifically, I would abolish tuition fees and student loans and I would reintroduce student grants. I would pay for this by introducing a graduate tax of 10% on any income over £21,000.
  • Have a different conversation about immigration. In the last year, every mainstream politician in England who has talked about immigration has framed it as a problem. I still don’t know why. I think we would get a lot further if we stopped blindly accepting that it is a problem, and started talking about the positive effects that immigration has had on the UK.
  • Reform taxes. I would close tax loopholes on big business, I would actively seek to prosecute and recover funds from those who have evaded tax, I would abolish the non-domiciliary tax status, and I would raise the top tax bracket by 2% on the richest 1%. Just for starters.
  • Start the process of nuclear disarmament. I would commit to completing the process during the life of this government.
  • Recommend to Her Majesty the Queen that the 49,000 men who were convicted under historic anti-gay laws are immediately given pardons and full apologies.

I have more, but that’ll do you for now.

Best wishes,

A Socialist Liberal
(for whom you now work)

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